Dear boo radley’s dad,
I hate you. My best friend hates you, and also, I feel like you probably hate yourself. That has to be why you suck so much and are so stubborn and refuse to see how you had a good thing, actually, it was a great thing, fuck that, it was a perfectly amazing thing, and you threw it away. Because you are an asshole.
Question. How are you supposed to be like my second parent and feed me lemon chicken for cleaning the garage and let me sleep on your couch and occasionally try to be a babysitter, but ultimately I’ll probably fail at babysiting because I will refuse to share toys and I won’t listen to reason, when you are no longer married to your wife?
QUESTION!!!!!!! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU ARE NO LONGER MARRIED TO YOUR WIFE?????
I’m not babysitting your illegitimate children. And I sure as hell am not sharing my lemon chicken with them.
It’s not that I have a problem with illegitimate children. I just would have a problem with YOUR illegitimate children. Because boo radley’s mom is my best friend, and I won’t watch you hurt her like that.
I’ll kill you firstly, seriously. Kill you.
Probably I’ll start by kicking your kidneys until you collapse, then I’ll punch your face a few times and throw you off the bridge.
Then I would probably do the same to the slutty whore you impregnated.
She deserves it.
So do you.
I mean…..you will…..or you would……I mean, you could not do that, and save yourself the trouble.
Actually. That would be good for me. Because I don’t want to have to wash your blood off of my favorite jeans (whore blood never comes out) and also, because I would probably go all lady Macbeth on that shit and freak the fuck out.
“out you motherfuckin spot!!!”
And no one wants to see that.
I sound violent today and like a redneck, but let’s face it, you sir, are the father of boo radley. Who you kept inside the same house for 20 years, even that time when he stabbed you in the leg with a pair of scissors.
How was he supposed to have friends?
How was he supposed to meet girls?
How was he supposed to be happy?
You ruined his life.
Hey boo radley’s dad…..I just want to say one more thing to you……don’t be so goddamn stubborn……you already ruined boo radley’s life…..do you want to ruin his mom’s life too?
I didn’t think so.
So stop being a selfish, uncaring, small minded asshole.
Yep, do that and we should be good.
Sincerely, Rach
