dear twin falls county jail,
you are a shameful representation of a jail. please. i watch t.v. i know what prison is supposed to be like. there are tables, and ice cream sandwiches….and baseball. also, vending machines and it is big and roomy and clean….. as seen on arrested development.
your establishment is shady seeming with a frightening intercom system and a weird smell. in short….i hate it there.
i think you should decorate a little, buy some febreeze…you know. little things. also, is it that hard to buy flowers? what about some decorative lights? they aren’t just for christmas any more. i know because i used to have pastel rabbit ones for easter. huzzah. they were fuzzy and i hung them around my window. let me tell you. they made my room SPECTACULAR!
here’s another thing. when i tried to talk to kari on your little phone thing, where “all phone calls may be recorded” it kept beeping at us and saying in an annoying way, “please enter your pin and then push pound.”
kari never got a pin. we had no idea what was happening, we just shouted to each other through the glass.
it was extremely classy.
every girl wants to be on video camera at the local jail making ridiculous hand gestures and looking like a crazy….i just got done with work. my hair may have been a little ridiculous.
or a lot.
whatever.
the point is this is your fault.
no one asked you to suck at being a jail. you could have done a really good job.
all i’m saying is that if i were in your jail i would whip those girls into a gang in no time. there would be no sitting around, no sleeping. we would properly bully the weakest link and we would play ninja tag…..all the time.
amazing right?
also, i would demand a pin number so as not to annoy my visitors.
also, here is a question i have for you.
i hear that you have a church service that inmates can go to on sundays if they like. i guess my real question is,
WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU TEACHING THESE PEOPLE?
it may be none of my business but, the fuck?
you can’t offer only one religion, that’s like taking a child to a bakery and telling them they can only have a piece of bread.
also, isn’t it illegal to not support all religions? isn’t it like, in the constitution or something?
how do you think your wrongly imprisoned budhists feel? knowing that there is a christian service but not one to promote their peaceful ways?
its just not right.
ITS NOT RIGHT I TELL YOU.
here’s what should happen,
you should have a HUGE fund raiser and get martha stewart to come and visit.
you may think its crazy but lets be honest. she’s been in jail before, she knows what its like.
and if she had to take a trip to your miserable establishment she would not be pleased.
so write her a letter, email her, send her and invitation, whatever. i’m sure she’ll come and spruce things up.
wouldn’t it be nice to have curtains in the visiting room? maybe a floral centerpiece? shower curtains?
i think it would be fabulous.
if you’re to shy to write her i could do it.
it would be no problem.
because unlike you i care for people. even ones in jail. except for rapists and child molesters. we can put them somewhere else. like a basement.
or a woodchipper.
bitchin.
also. i have a problem with the orange jumpsuits.
i realize that they make people easy to spot, but what is wrong with pink?
everyone likes pink.
almost everyone.
you could even have arts and crafts days. to decorate their jump suits.
most of them just smoke a lot of weed or get drunk in public. do you really think they should have to shower in public? do you really think they deserve the indignity of wearing matching orange jumpsuits?
thats like putting kids in uniforms.
what the fuck happend to indiviuality?
i say we have a huge fundraiser day, with a carnival, and a bounce house.
the inmates can be carneys.
they money we raise can be used to make their living quarters beautiful!
ok.
i’m almost done.
just one more thing.
co-ed socials.
no man would worry about getting ass-raped in prison if the boys knew they would have ice cream socials and such once a month.
ok.
so i know what you’re thinking.
you’re thinking; if we give these people nice things they’ll never change.
they’ll think its ok to do bad things all the time.
you would be wrong.
because why are these people criminals in the first place?
usually because they have sad lives at home, so make them happy functioning people with life skills and send them on their way.
ok?
great!
thanks.
sincerely,
rach
